Friday, May 2, 2008


originally written May 1, 2008

In reading The Secret and many articles on the Internet, I have come to understand that one of the reasons I am chronically unhappy, chronically ill, and chronically angry is I haven't released my past. I hold on to it, to all the hurts and regrets and disappointments, as though it is a security blanket of some kind.

I just had this thought: So what if Mom died without forgiving me? That was her problem, not mine. Oh, I feel as if a huge weight just lifted off my heart. I feel freer now than ever before.

Now I can get on with forgiving myself, letting go of the things Mom wouldn't forgive me for. Now I realize that by worrying Mom never forgave me, I was unable to forgive myself. I can admit I made mistakes in the past but I don't have to let those mistakes haunt me for the rest of my life.

Another realization: So what if people hold grudges against me or don't approve of me for one reason or another? That's THEIR problem, not mine, their energy wasted, not mine. If I've done something wrong and I've sincerely apologized and tried to make whatever "it" was right, the onus is on the other person to accept that. If they choose not to, that's their choice. It's time for me to release it, to let it go. I don't have to keep apologizing, keep trying to make it right, keep trying to gain their approval. I've done my part. Now, it's the other person's choice whether to do their part or not. If they choose not to, it's not my problem!

I do have to release the grudges I am holding against people as well. Grudges zap my energy and ocntinue to bring negativity into my life. Holding grudges and resentment does no one any good, especially the person holding them. Even if the other person never apologizes to me, never tries to make things right, never makes the effort, I have to forgive them and move on.

I also have to release the resentment I feel towards people. I can't resent them for their accomplishments. Resentment gets me no closer to my goals. I should be happy others have reached their goals and if it's someone I respect, I should pick their brains on the steps they took to get there. Otherwise, congratulate them, even if it's in my own mind, and move on.

I make mistakes. I made mistakes in the past. I will make some more in the future. The key is to admit the mistake; strive to correct it if possible; and learn from it. But, most importantly, I must forgive myself!

1 comment:

Wamblings said...

and I think it is an ongoing process. We forgive ourselves today. We forgive ourselves tomorrow and the tomorrow after that and next week and next month. we make a habit of it till maybe eventually it is a total lifestyle. I love you girl.