Self-assessment

I do a lot of free-writing (put pen to paper and don't stop writing until X number of pages are full or X number of minutes has passed). Sometimes I have a topic, sometimes I don't. This is one of the writings I did last week. I think the topic was "Tell me about yourself." I have cleaned it up from the original; otherwise it wouldn't make much sense.

Who I Am

There is so much of me that I don't know or understand. Some days I don't like myself, not even a little bit. Other times I'm proud of the self I manifest to the world.

I can be a scared little girl who wants to hide from the outside world as much as possible. I can be a shrew that people shrink away from. I can be stubborn and mean, unmoveable, but wishing I wasn't. Awful, horrible things can come out of my mouth, things I'm terribly ashamed of later.

But I can also be gentle and loving and giving. Sympathetic and caring. I can spew words of wisdom I have no idea where came from and that I seem to forget as soon as they are spoken.

I'm capable of having a sting to my words in one sentence and consolation in the next. I can be intelligent and incredibly stupid in an amazingly short period of time.

I'm observent yet careless. I'm a slob but crave organization. I am talented but don't always recognize it. Some days I have such low self-estem I can't understand how or why anyone could love me.

I am lazy but industrious. I have tunnel vision and can only seem to concentrate on one project at a time, often to the detriment of projects already started.

I am beautiful and I am ugly. I love my thick hair and blue eyes. I hate my teeth and crooked fingers. I like my sense of humor and hate my sensitivity.

I am a good partner, most of the time. I love thoroughly and with all my heart. but I can be clingy to the people I love.

originally written Wednesday, April 23, 2008